If you don't enjoy the things I write about — entertainment, nightlife, music, booze, gadgets, sports, Playboy models and more —you're probably dead. I enjoy when you read what I write. (And, yes, it's my real name. Stop asking.)
Joe Student
Man Arrested After Breaking Into Restaurant, Eating 16 Slices of Pie and Falling Asleep
A man broke into a Baltimore fast-food restaurant last month and ate 16 slices of pie before falling asleep and being captured, police say. Baltimore police responded to a break-in at a Popeye's chicken restaurant on Feb. 19, whereupon they found a 62-year-old man asleep on the floor of the establishment...
Danica Patrick Wins Daytona 500 Pole, Becomes First Woman To Win A Cup Series Pole
Danica Patrick won the pole of the Daytona 500 on Sunday, becoming the first woman in NASCAR history to win the pole position of a Cup Series event. Patrick turned in a qualifying speed of 196.434, besting fellow drivers Jeff Gordon, Trevor Bayne, Ryan Newman and teammate Tony Stewart...
Billy Hunter Voted Out As Head Of NBA Players’ Union
NBA players unanimously voted to remove executive director Billy Hunter as head of their union on Saturday. Player support for Hunter waned after an independent report last month indicated that he could have misused NBPA funds, engaged in nepotism and had his contract renewed in 2010 without following proper union rules...
Brothers Blow-Up House After Winning Lottery
Everyone who plays the lottery has their own fantasy of what they'd do first if they won.
Two brothers from Wichita, Kan. celebrated their big lottery win by buying meth and weed, which resulted in them accidentally blowing-up their house and getting arrested...
Is the NFL Considering Widening the Playing Field?
A former member of the NFL's competition committee thinks the league should consider increasing the width of its football fields to help improve safety. Former Indianapolis Colts' vice-chairman Bill Polian said Sunday that he believes there would be fewer severe collisions if the NFL chose to increase field width from the current 160 feet to the 195 feet used in the Canadian Football League.
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Outside Investigators To Probe Super Bowl Blackout
Why was there a power failure during Super Bowl XLVII? No one is certain yet, but Superdome authorities and a power provider have agreed to use an outside firm to investigate the cause of the power outage that stopped Sunday's game for 34 minutes...
SMAAASH! — Hitchhiker Saves Crash Victim By Hitting Driver With Hatchet
Your day will likely never be as eventful as the afternoon had last week by Kai, a homeless hitchhiker in West Fresno, Calif. A large man gave Kai a ride on Friday. That's when the trouble started.
New York City Bartender Makes $96,000 A Year Slinging Drinks
Shred your useless college degree — or stop going to college altogether — and start hitting the liquor cabinet. It's sound advice. A New York City bartender said she made $96,000 last year while bartending at a luxury hotel. Sarah Speros claimed the starting wage at her hotel is $26 per hour, plus tips, insurance, holiday pay and overtime...
Lance Armstrong’s Books Labeled Fiction In Library Sign Prank
How bad are things for Lance Armstrong, the disgraced former cyclist who last week admitted to using banned substances while winning seven Tour de France titles? Library geeks are making fun of him.
Inauguration 2013 — Barack Obama Sworn In For Second Term As President
Barack Obama took the oath of office just before noon in Washington on Monday to begin his second term as president of the United States.
Coin Guitar Picks Are Awesome
Loose change is always a terrible conundrum.
Peru Goalie Makes Incredible Double-Save
Uruguay's Gonzalo Bueno should have scored a clinching goal against Peru last week in a game between the nations' Under-20 teams. Bueno DIDN'T score, because Peruvian goalkeeper Angelo Campos may be the fastest man in South America.