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Helmets Are Sexy.

What a glorious summer it has been. Just enough rain to keep it green and wonderful followed by balmy nights that crackle with fresh air. Biking in and around Bozeman, the summer breeze is undeniable in its allure and reminds me of a personal tirade that has been rattling about my skull since childhood. Bike helmets. I have seen more bike helmets around Bozeman this summer than ever before. Why? You say? Well, i like to think i am surrounded by intelligent considerate people who know how to care for themselves and their loved ones by guarding the body’s second largest sexual organ: the brain.

I know there is no way everyone will wear a helmet all the time, and some people just never will. I could rant and scream until my wee little lungs pop about how stupid and inexcusable it is to neglect yourself in such a way, but that would waste my time. It comes down to this: If you are smart enough to recognize and support your own intelligence (college students) you should be willing to spend the miniscule amount of money it takes to wear protective headgear in the streets. I know you are really cool and your hair looks awesome when the winds blows through it, and you never crash. No one means to crash, stop deluding yourself. Every time someone tries to justify their lack of helmet to me, I lose more and more respect by the minute. It is not hard to find a helmet, and stepping behind the intellectually indefensible arguments against them is only going to make you look far more stupid than if you wore a hello kitty helmet covered with a protective layer of beanie babies.

So, I have compiled a little list of places you can find helmets as a companion to my list of reasons that helmets are sexy, cool and straight up smart.

Reasons to wear a bike Helmet:

1) When you are quadriplegic, in a vegetative state or dead, no one will sleep with you or see how cool you are.

2) Helmets are known to carry stickers on their exterior. Stickers are not only an elite way to tell people what you believe or support, they are also performance-enhancing. Shiny stickers can heighten your presence while biking at night, in the snow, or at elite cocktail parties where one must stand out to be noticed. Also, the addition of red duct tape to a helmet makes over 90% of bikers 20% faster in the daylight, it is science.

3) Helmets are stronger than your skull. Helmets are stronger than your skull.

Helmet locations in and around Bozeman.

1) Summit Ski and Bike Shop on Babcock and Grand has knowledgeable staff that will sell you a helmet to save your life or last it.

2) Second Wind Sports on Willson and Olive is just about the coolest little gear cave around and has multiple options for every budget and taste. Everyone like-a the bargain.

3) Bangtail Downtown has all the goodness.

4) Roundhouse on east main, not just biking going down up in there.

That is just about enough of my own opinion for me today, marinate on why helmets are cool and pop one on your noggin so you don’t ever need a catheter or colostomy bag, neither of those accoutrement as a result of a massive head wound is sexy.

Peace.

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