My Top 6 Reasons David Hasselhoff Is Cooler Than Everyone Else. Everyone.
Hear me out. I didn’t call the dude an angel…I just said David Hasselhoff is cooler than everyone else. So cool that it’s a Top 6 List, not a Top 5 List. Kind of like a “he is rubber and you are glue” sort of situation. Follow me here.
6) DAVID HASSELHOFF IS WORTH $110 MILLION DOLLARS- Now, having money doesn’t make you cooler than everyone else but it does give you the ability to do more cool things. Like, doing the Gumball Rally whenever you feel like it. And $110 million is the perfect amount, right? Not too much, not too little?
5) DAVID HASSELHOFF GOES TO COACHELLA- Who the hell would have guessed. I don’t even go to Coachella and I go to a LOT of festivals. He’s probably got fairly good digs down there too and isn’t concerned about a shower when he wants one.
4) DAVID HASSELHOFF DATES WAY HOTTER WOMEN THAN MOST GUYS EVER WILL- Even as a female, I gotta give it up to The Hoff. Even if you’re “not into these types of Barbie chicks” you’d totally be OK if she wanted to spend some time with you, so hush.
3) DAVID HASSELHOFF CAN ACTUALLY SAY THAT “HE’S BIG IN EUROPE”. YOU PROBABLY CAN’T – It’s sort of our office joke when a band drops into obscurity that we quickly, quietly quip that they’re “still very big in Europe”. David Hasselhoff practically united Germany in song after the Cold War. What did YOU do at the end of the Cold War?
2) DAVID HASSELHOFF CAN BE AN EMBARRASSING DRUNK EATING A CHEESEBURGER IN FRONT OF HIS KID AND WALK AWAY WITH AN ENDORSEMENT DEAL – I’m not going to begin to comment on family dynamics, alcoholism or anything actually important in this point but WTH? Next time YOU come home sloppy drunk and your family youtube’s it I can GUARANTEE that you won’t be making any money off the choice. (And no, this commercial isn’t real).
1) DAVID HASSELHOFF IS, AND WILL ALWAYS BE KNIGHT RIDER – “A lone crimefighter battles the forces of evil with the help of an indestructible and artificially intelligent supercar.” Please. You’d give up a finger just to sit in that Pontiac Trans Am named KITT.