This is my cat. This is dirty hockey gear. This is my cat face down in dirty hockey gear. It's so weird that you don't know if you should shoo him away or just turn your head and leave him me. So gross.
You may know by now I've adopted a cat. A cute and worthless cat. He's handsome but so far appears to display no talents of any kind aside from being arrogant, sleeping, eating, pooping and arguing with the neighbor cat. No longer.
So, I adopted a cat. Wasn't my idea but it had to happen or the cat was going to the Heart of the Valley. Among other annoying habits, I noticed one day as I was walking by the bathroom that the stupid animal was delicately perched on the seat lapping up TOILET WATER.
If you're not already, you may want to sit down, and if you're already sitting down, you may want to go ahead and clear off a spot on the floor so that you can lay there and stare into space thinking about how everything you have been told in your life has been rooted in lies and deception…