Forget the Safety Blankets: 4 Things You’ll REALLY Want in Your Earthquake Emergency Kit

Natural disasters are scary and no joke. But provided you make it through the "big one" and have to deal with life without our first-world luxuries for weeks, this vice-laden emergency list will come in handy. Even if you never inhaled.

(This is obviously a list of non-essentials. This list is meant to be taken with a few grains of salt. This list is not to prompt serious debate about life and death. This list is meant with a light heart and will hopefully prompt a few people to ACTUALLY consider if they're prepared for a natural disaster.)

• 1. SKATEBOARD - When the gas runs out and everyone's on foot or bicycles for transportation, you'll have a mode of transportation that's fast and nobody will steal. I believe bikes will become one of the most stolen items in a crisis. The only people who can ride a skateboard already have three of them.
• 2. HARD LIQUOR - Trust me....you will not regret having a fully stocked bar of booze. It doesn't need to be refrigerated. It will bring your neighbors together. Tequila. Scotch. Vodka. It doesn't matter. Nobody's going to bitch about your selection when they've been pooping in their makeshift backyard toilet for weeks. And of course alcohol can sanitize that cut in a pinch.
• 3. CONDOMS - Hey, think about it....if we all think the world is about to end soon, there's probably going to be some lovin' goin' on. Protection is always important. On the OFF chance we all get through it and return to civilization, you won't want a fresh STD.
• 4. GOOD WEED - Lots of it. Enough to share. I promise you won't regret this one. (After a huge earthquake, my guess is the cops will have more important things to do than worry about who's got their card.) You'll want to be pretty high when you're constantly organizing your daily necessities and purifying your drinking water 5 times a day. Plus, if your stash includes a strain that's helpful with pain relief, you'll be a hero to that older lady down the street when she runs out of her prescription pain meds.

Now, of course this list is just to get us all thinking about REALLY BEING PREPARED should a disaster occur. Take some time soon to get a stash of all the basics: water, a fresh stock of canned goods, camp stove and whatever else you'll need to be self sufficient for a week...

We never think we'll need that real Emergency Kit.....until we do.

Be well. Be safe. Take good care of those around you.