How To Apologize To Your Bozeman Girl In 3 Easy Steps

You screwed up. Doing something. You may not even know what you did but let me help you apologize to a Bozeman girl. It's easier than you think.

1) COOK HER SOME BACON. GOOD BACON, NOT THAT CHEAP PACKAGED GARBAGE. GO TO A BUTCHER AND ASK FOR HIS BEST.

This bacon thing is not a joke. (If she's a vegetarian, you should seriously reconsider this relationship in a much bigger conversation but that's none of my business.) Bacon is delicious, sinful and a food of the gods. It has healing powers that cannot be explained.

2) FETCH HER A VARIETY OF ALCOHOL AND THEN GO AWAY.

Hear me out - having a fairly stocked bar is a luxury that can be used at anytime. She can then catch a nice buzz while doing whatever she wants at home or invite the girls over and share the bounty. (If she never touches the stuff, this method of apology clearly doesn't apply.)

IMPORTANT: It's crucial that you follow the "go away" part. The last thing you need is a drunk pissed off girl on your hands right now. Go hang with the guys for the night, visit your mom....anything. But go away. Bonus points for doing the dishes before you go away.

3) BUY HER SOMETHING LOCAL/COOL/COMFY, ALONG WITH SOMETHING NAUGHTY.

Yes, apologizing can get expensive. I realize I'm suggesting TWO gifts but trust me....you're covering both ends of the spectrum so if she's still pissed, you should again seriously reconsider this relationship. Whatever she's into locally, be it skiing, gardening, eating, sports - pick her up a cool hoodie or shirt from her favorite place.

THEN go fetch something totally hot. If she forgives you (and she certainly should at this point) you'll be needing something along these lines. I'm sure you understand.

IMPORTANT: WRAP THE GIFTS OR HAVE SOMEONE DO IT FOR YOU. Don't ask why, just please wrap them and put a ribbon on it. Opening a gift this way makes it more special.

YES, GET THE FLOWERS BUT THAT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING SO THEY DON'T COUNT AS PART OF THE "POWER 3". Good luck.